One of my best clients, Jay Nurney from Buck’s County, Pennsylvania, forwarded this “help wanted” ad to me from the Craigslist in his area. If you look at it, you might think that the guy who wrote it is nuts and if you do, then I guess you better consider me nuts too, because I wish I had the guts to write an ad like this one. I agree with most of what the guy said here. No word on whether the ad worked or not and no word on if he consulted his attorney before writing it. Hope you laughed and maybe it makes you think about how important it is to clarify what you are looking for in a new hire before you go and hire anyone. The hiring process should be taken very seriously and the adage—hire slow, fire fast—is some of the best advice I was ever given. Forward this Great Idea on to anyone you know who hires people; you’ll make them laugh and you’ll be helping them think about their hiring process too!

Driveway Sealing Helper/Weekends (Dowingtown/Exton/West Chester)

Date: 2010-04-06

Job Description:

Some of the things that are expected of a helper are loading and unloading 50 lb. buckets of driveway sealer on and off the truck, setting the buckets out on the driveway, weed wacking/trimming grass and shrubs back, mixing buckets of sealer, cleaning/scrubbing driveway dirt spots with a wire brush attached to a pole, sealing driveway, clean-up. If you have a chronically bad back, bad knees or shoulders, aches and pains or some mysterious illness every other week, this job isn’t for you. This is the basic description of the duties, but not necessarily limited to these things. Work typically starts around 6-7 am and ends at 4-5 pm. Sometimes we start a little later or work a little later, depending on the schedule.

Let me start by saying this job is not for the physically weak or out of shape person. It is also not for someone who doesn’t care to go to bed early or get up early. It’s a physical job and requires strength and endurance. While it’s not the hardest job ever, it is physical. If you have any doubts about any of this, you need not apply. Pay is negotiable, hourly and starts when you are scheduled to start in the morning. It is also bi-weekly. Need a loan? Go to a bank. If you’re living hand to mouth, this isn’t the job for you. Below is a list of what I want and what I don’t want in a helper. It is non-negotiable, if you have a problem with ANY of the things listed, again, you need not apply.

What I am looking for:

1) Drug, alcohol, smoke and drama free. As far as the drugs and alcohol, I’ve worked with enough of these people to know that they make crappy, unreliable employees. Staying up late at night or drinking heavily isn’t good for you or me if we’re working together. As far as the smoking goes, I don’t want someone blowing smoke in my face, smoking in my truck or expecting me to pay them to smoke. The way I look at it is when you’re smoking, you’re not working. If you want to smoke on your own time, that’s your business, just not at work and not with me. As far as the drama goes: I don’t need any colorful characters or people who want to bring home into work. I don’t need people with crazy stories or the chronically depressed. We all have problems in life, but they are ours, not others. I can’t stress this enough.

2) Someone who is on time, works hard, and follows directions well. I don’t need late, lazy or difficult people. Also, if you plan on taking vacations or have a lot going on this spring/summer/fall, this job isn’t for you. I also don’t need someone who stops and slows down for a five minute break every time they talk. If I wanted to pay someone to talk, I’d hire my wife. This especially applies to customers. It’s fine to say “hello” to my customers, but they are off limits as far as conversing or answering their questions and all such dialogue is to be directed to me. In other words, I don’t want you answering their questions or shooting the breeze with them. This is a huge no-no in my book. Again, if you’re talking, you’re not working.

3) There is often travel time between jobs. Maybe it’s five minutes, maybe it’s a half an hour. This is unique to these kinds of jobs and you should plan accordingly. This is the time that you can make your phone calls, eat your lunch, sleep, read, text message people, check the internet or anything else that you like that’s within reason. This is the only time you’ll be able to do these things or focus on this kind of stuff. Aside from emergencies, there are no phone calls or personal stuff on my time. You want to fight with your girlfriend/wife all day, do it somewhere else. Catch up with your long lost cousin from Ireland? Do it somewhere else. Again, if you’re doing these things, you’re not working and if you’re not working, you’re not working for me.

4) You gotta have a car to get to work. I can’t come to your house and pick you up. I don’t want to hear it. If you don’t have a car, you don’t have a job. Period.
5) You need to realize that this job is dependent upon good weather, job availability, and holidays to some extent. If it rains on Saturday and Sunday, we can’t work. If everybody is cooking out on Memorial Day or Halloween is on a Saturday, these things factor in as well. The work is also seasonal and is done by the first of November.

6) I’m a friendly guy, but I don’t want to be your best friend. I realize that sounds a little harsh, but I’ve worked with enough people by now to know that it’s best to keep it professional. Hopefully, you have too and understand completely.

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